Monday was our annual HOA (Home Owner's Association) meeting. At 6:30 (after HOURS of work meetings) I walked across the street to the library and found Conference Room C. I have only lived in my condo a while and I'm a bit shy - and work too much - so I really only know about 2 people in my complex and they consist of: the woman in the wheel chairish thing on floor 2 who gives me a smile too big for Monday mornings. It always makes me feel so guilty that someone with the need of a wheel chair can smile so much on Monday morning when all I'm thinking is how much life sucks - who needs that guilt! STOP SMILING! And, my neighbor who recently purchased Justin Timberlake's new CD.... I need to buy him some new music since I don't think hearing that CD over and over is "bringing sexy back."
Sorry, back to the meeting:
So I walked into the meeting with my own bottle of water only to find that someone had gone to Costco and evidently purchased ALL of the snack items in the store. I picked up a bazillion papers (the financial report of 2006, the budget for 2007, the last year's notes, etc) and a cookie looked for a place to sit. Immediately I noticed the Smiler and said hello and she cornered me (which was unfair since she had a motorized chair on her side) and said that she was going to be nominating me for the board. WHAT??? I was so taken off guard by anyone actually speaking to me at all that I nodded shyly. I looked around the room and this is what I saw:
Four chairs at the front of the room facing about 600 chairs which were occupied by 4 board members at the front and then about 6 other people. I think judging by the extra treats and chairs that someone might have overestimated the attendance...
The board members consisted of a guy with very curly bushy hair that was slightly gray, a guy about my age with jeans that were too tight and a tucked in button down shirt and half-boots, the Smiler, and a woman with red-ish pink hair with a bunch of pencils and a crazy look.
The meeting began and I realized immediately that the pink-ish haired lady was the Secretary, but was also slightly deaf. BAD COMBINATION. Although I must admit that her need for constant clarification on things like roll call became quite funny. She in fact was in charge of taking role and right off the bat when realizing there were only six people in attendance versus the 30 that didn't show you would think it might be most efficient to get the names of the people there rather than call through the WHOLE LIST. Nope - she called the whole list and the best part is the list was outdated and so she never called our names. Then she asked our names, but again... she's slightly deaf. About 90 minutes later we finally headed into the meeting. They actually "called it to order." I nearly laughed out loud because at first I thought that they were feigning professionalism. Again... NO! As the meeting progressed and each topic we discussed had to be addressed by someone who "had the floor" and then agreed on and then "nominated" and then "seconded" and then "voted in" I became acutely aware how serious they were taking this meeting.
The meeting was long so I won't bore you with all of the details - even though I heard most of it TWICE thanks to the deaf secretary. However, a couple of funny points I'll point out:
1 - the guy with half of his hair in a pony tail who wanted to have the "common areas" of the condo reasssigned so that the garage was not his responsibility since he didn't use it... I pointed out that since our garbage is stored there and since the garbage men have to pick it up USING the garage he technically uses the garage. Also all of our utility meters are in the garage. But, most importantly IT HOLDS UP THE BUILDING HE LIVES IN! He was still allowed to put an idea to vote since he "had the floor" and then it was Seconded by the deaf secretary who probably didn't even hear what he said. Obviously this didn't pass...
2 - the deaf secretary who wanted to readdress the fact that once a year our condo fees pay to have our outside windows washed in keeping with the maintenance of the common areas. Evidently since she's on the first floor she was offering to wash her own windows since she could reach them... She didn't want to pay for that out of her condo fees. WOW! What a savings it would make for the company that washes the windows to not have to do FOUR windows. I explained to her that there wouldn't really be any savings and that it would also be a problem because we wanted them all clean at the same time. She was frustrated and said that she didn't feel she should have to pay for anything she didn't use - like with the garage. I nearly laughed again, but explained that when you choose to buy a condo you choose to live in a COMMUNITY and to abide by the HOA rules. I suggested she buy a home so she could pay only for the things she wanted. Again... this went to vote, was seconded, and that's when the president realized that we didn't have enough people in attendance to vote on ANYTHING! Let's just say I wanted the last four hours of my life back.
3 - after the meeting and I'd been voted to the board I was about to leave when I heard the secretary talking to the president about reimbursement for the treats she'd brought. Keep in mind that she had just said, "I don't think I should have to pay for the things I don't use."
Deaf Secretary: I need to be reimbursed for the treats.
President: How much money's worth of treats do you think we ate?
Deaf Secretary: What? Well - I bought all of it for the meeting. I should be reimbursed for all of it - it was 72 dollars.
President: So do you want me to just take this stuff home and bring it to the next meeting?
DS: NO. I have some friends coming over this weekend and I need something for them to eat.
Oh - the good news is that at the meeting I found out what holiday is in February... A WEDDING! I found this out during roll call when the Deaf Secretary asked the girl next to me her name and she answered "Joe's Wife." We all laughed for a while and then asked her her name to which she replied "Tammy" to which the DS said, "Sammy?" She said, "no, Tammy." DS then nodded and I saw her write Carie down on the paper. Evidently Tammy and her now husband were married in February. Too bad because I'd grown used to those two being drug smugglers.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Tonight I went to dinner (I'd been wanting to eat anywhere with an open patio). As we turned into the restaraunt parking lot we passed a BRIGHT RED CORVETTE which was parked illegally. I commented something to the effect that people with Corvettes evidently can park wherever they want - since the rules don't apply to them. We parked and walked in. Once we were seated I noticed a couple at the next table. This is an EXACT description: The man seemed to be in his 60s and had very tight curly hair cut in a shorter "welcome back Kotter" style. His shirt was silky and a bit loose and unbuttoned far too low. He was VERY tan. I'm not sure if he was wearing gold chains or if I just imagined them since it seemed he should be. Though I couldn't see his shoes I guarantee they were something slip on and leather. The woman was in her mid 40s and had not quite blonde hair which was actually more hair spray than hair. She was wearing a very small black skirt with dark brown nylons and very high black pumps. Her shirt was BRIGHT RED. Immediately I knew we were sitting next to the Corvette couple. There are few cars which so easily betray their owners. After paying their check the couple stood and we watched eager to see if our instincts paid off. We both smiled as the couple walked to the illegally parked "vette."
Later that night I was on the phone with my younger sister as she recounted her evening. At one point our brother had picked her up in a new car - a brand new Tahoe. She was suprised to see him in a new car and asked about it a bit. She laughingly told me that since he'd bought a brand new (you guessed it!) Corvette the dealership had also given him a very good deal on a Tahoe. Now I am left wondering if I was seated next to my own brother in a restaraunt would I know?