Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's Day...


I thought today might be a good day to remind myself of all of the people that I belong to and love:
Maren: She was my gift for making it to 13 years of age and continues to be my gift for making it through each day. She reads my mind and heart better than anyone I know and is always so ready to say or do anything I need. By far the funniest girl I know and she can make me laugh with just a look. I have often wondered if Maren has always been my favorite word or if it became so the day I saw her snuggling in a tiny cap in the hospital on her birthday. She is the first reason for anything I do and the last person I would ever want to be without. I want everything for her and since she was born I have lived differently. With more purpose and with more love.
Gardner, Crista, Cameron, Addison: The most amazing family I've ever known. My brother is so conscious in his life of every decision to be sure that he is doing what's best for his family (extended and immediate). He has the most discipline of anyone I know in personal change and it is because of his wife who has an ability to communicate to him in a way that is loving and yet expecting. Their girls came with such amazingly different personalities and are the sweetest, smartest girls I know. I am so excited to see the way they grow.
My sisters: You couldn't list more than two or three similar traits we have and yet we have a bond that is one of the strongest I know. One trait I will say is that of loyalty and honesty. There's not a single girl I'd rather be related to than these ones. I smile at the thought of each one of them numerous times throughout the day. I must say that as the oldest sister it is a true gift to have been able to see them grow and change and become these amazing people. At times I look at them and see both the child (most often toddler) they were and the person they have become and it is too much happiness at once.
Mom and Dad: There has never been a better pair. EVER. EVER. EVER. Together they are everything I need and everything they need. They are the most different people in terms of personality and yet have had common goals and dedication that have provided a great incubator to all of us and will continue to do so. They are funny together. Nothing is funnier than my dad when he comes home from a long run and my mom's reaction as he hugs her to his sweaty self. I hope that one day I will be capable of loving someone as well as they love each other.
Janeal: She will know this, she is one of the greatest gifts of my adult life. She has battled changes and decisions in her own life in a way that make me so proud. She fights for every ounce of happiness and yet makes it seem so easy. She has started a new life and kept everyone in her past in tact and put them first in every possible way. I hate her struggle, but love the way she accomplishes it.
Kristen: There are few people outside of blood that can move with you for decades. In all this time she has never given me reason to distrust her. I know she would do anything for me. I don't deserve it. Every memory of her is one of support. She has lived with me and still wants to know me. That is truly tough. I know that there are a million times she has had to stick up for me and yet she would never have me know. She shares her life with me without question. If I had my way I would see her everday.
My Grandma: She died the Christmas of sixth grade. I know I will never feel love like hers again. Without question or hesitation. This is the one that brings tears. Crazy 8s on the deck and looking at the wall of her kitchen plastered with her grandchildren's pictures. Letterss she wrote to me before I could see color. She didn't need to know me to love me. I know that I am most like her and that makes me smile. I like that she had struggle and emotion and toughness. That some days she wanted to give up, but never did. Her children share this love and the gift she gave the world should make her proud. I would give so much to have more time with her and can't wait to have her hug me again.
Laura and Sara: If we weren't cousins I would still find them. I have needed them at ever stage of my life. In all of the biggest turning points of my life they were holding my hands. It isn't easy being the oldest girl in a family and because of them I didn't truly have to be. I find it so difficult to relate to people, especially women, and yet I have never had an ounce of struggle with these two. I wonder if Laura will remember cookies in the dorms on days my eyes were so red from homesickness or if sara will remember our pact to get better on the porch at Chatsworth.
I am also very fortunate in the friends I have had... I would have to say that I probably would have died of starvation while on vacation in San Francisco if Ben had not had the presence of mind to make me get back into the car instead of screaming at him from the road with the rest of the hungry homeless. Vacationing to San Fran and when I couldn't decide on clothes he hung a clothes rod across the back of the car so I could take EVERYTHING I wanted. I would also probably still be working for DD and listening to an old lady tell stories about how her doctor doesn't understand how sick she really is as she cried at my desk or how her cat can tap dance... He can say exactly what I need to hear in just a few words... and will.
Then Kelly who I've known FOREVER. Through I don't know how many cars or houses for him, but through the biggest purchases of my life and through the biggest moves he has been the consistent. Today I told him how in each place I've lived I can sit in it and feel so loved for the things he changes for me. The lights, the paint, in this last case the actual condo. Through holidays and holidays and holidays which are all so rough on me and by association (poor guy) on him. He is one of the smartest people I know and has changed so much about how he deals with people. I hope he can remember painting my trim while I vacationed in San Francisco or taking pictures of me in a completely empty condo... letting me use hot water since I bought shoes instead of a hot water heater. Putting me up...

3 comments:

ca2tx said...

Had I not yelled at you in San Fran about where to eat in front of homeless people...I know I too could have made the list. Curse my hunger. Curse it! XOXO!

em said...

YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT. That is both what did you in and did you out! Our memories are funnier than anyone I know. Don't go to Mexico without me!
read my revisions please!

sara said...

what about our pact to always celebrate groundhog day together? we didn't really follow through on that one... oh well.

em, what a lovely post. i LOVE that i made the list! laura and i were talking last night about when you guys are going to come and visit me... it better be soon. seeing you just once a year doesn't cut it.

love you.
sara